Bikini Bottom Barbecue
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: A two-part tale! After ruining Squidward's newest grill, Spongebob inspires the town into building the world's greatest barbecue grill for Squidward! Read and review, if you please!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first Spongebob story. I don't own any of it, and my goal is to create a Spongebob tale that is as good as the early days of Spongebob, or, at least, better than what we have now. (To be fair, though, "You're Fired, Spongebob" was great!")**

_It was a wonderful day in Bikini Bottom. Oh, look, there is Mr. Krabs, rummaging through people's trash cans. Hi, Mr. Krabs!_

Mr. Krabs looked up. "Eh? What's that?" He tried to grab one more coin, but fell inside of the can and got stuck.

_Oops...Well, the mailfish is going to be fired._

The mailfish started to cry. "They told me I was going to a meeting!"

_Crud. Larry the Lobster is going to the gym. _

Larry looked up. "Actually, I **was** going to go to my job at the beach, but you're right. Life's too short to waste with working and productivity. I'm going to go work out! WOO!" Meanwhile, Scooter flopped about in the ocean. "DUUUDES! High tide is coming Aggghhh! Not again…" His ghost started to angelically float into the sky...only to get stuck in high tide.

_Nuts. Perhaps I should only stick to my narrating. In any case, Squidward has just gotten back from a relaxing vacation…_

Squidward grinned proudly as he inspected his shiny grill. "Ah, yes, Squidy, old boy. Sniff the delectable scent of stainless steel and veal. Heh. Steel, veal. Rhyme."

Spongebob randomly popped up on his right side. "Hiya, Squidward! How was your trip?"

Patrick appeared on Squidward's right. "Did you have a nice fall?" He shoved Squidward into a path of thorns and started to laugh.

"Patrick!" Spongebob yelled. "That's not nice! I was trying to ask Squidward a question. Look, you got him all dirty!" He tried to pick Squidward up, but the angry squid pushed him aside and stood up by himself.

"Look," Squidward took several deep breaths. "I've just had an incredibly taxing, three-hour drive back from Bermuda. Do you know how hard it is to lie on your back and make sure that your bags aren't getting dragged in the dirt? Please, just please, let me have this one little scrap of time to myself. I need to relax. How about it, Spongebob? Patrick? Please?"

Spongebob and Patrick nodded and walked back to Spongebob's house. Once inside, they sat down on the floor and continued playing some board games.

"You know, Patrick, I feel really sorry for Squidward." Spongebob said. "Do you think there's anything we can do to help him?"

Patrick considered this question. "Well, Squidward has a history of anger-management issues and a violent temper. Obviously, he needs to experience something very therapeutic in order to calm him down."

Spongebob looked confused. "Patrick, I know where you're going with this! Pets are calming!" (Upstairs, Gary was gleefully destroying toilet paper.)

Patrick smiled and sniffed a game piece. "Who's Patrick?"

Precisely one half hour later, Squidward was merrily setting up more veal to grill. "Ah, yes. Burn my lovelies, and I can feast upon you. La-da-dee, la-da-dee, la-da-dee...Hello, Spongebob."

Spongebob and Patrick came walking up, each holding an enveloped card. They handed the cards to him and said, "For you, friend."

Squidward squinted angrily, but accepted the cards. "Let's see, here. 'The gift of peace, the gift of fun. What can help you more than a pet to cuddle and snuggle? For you, one day only, is Gary the Snail!' GARY?!"

Spongebob looked confused. "What's the matter, Squidward? You and Gary have been friends for years!"

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, remember that time he bit your leg? And that **other** time he bit your leg? And that **other** time he-"

Spongebob shushed Patrick. "No offense, Pat, but I think that's enough."

Patrick grumbled. "I was going to say 'face.'"

Squidward rubbed his forehead. "Look, I'm...grateful, but I'm not well-equipped to take care of a snail, even temporarily. Besides, I don't want Gary eating my meat." He turned to the barbecue, which was caked in snail gunk and grease. Gary sat nearby, joyfully munching on meat.

Squidward's face purpled. "Spongebob...Patrick...Please be so kind as to TAKE THAT SNAIL AWAY...before I commit a felony." They gulped and dragged the comfortable snail back to Spongebob's house.

Inside, they could hear Squidward flopping onto his bed crying.

Spongebob looked pensive. "Patrick, we have done something wrong today. A neighbor and friend of our has had their grill ruined and their meat eaten. Surely some members of Bikini Bottom, the greatest town in the world, have fine meats. Surely some of the members have creativity, ingenuity, skill- Enough to craft the finest working grill in the world. Patrick, we are going to band together and make Squidward a new barbecuing grill!"

Patrick looked bored. "Wouldn't it be easier to just buy him a new one?"

"Too late, I've already made the fliers!" That being said, Spongebob grabbed all of the fliers and stuffed them inside of the porous holes in his body. Then, he grabbed a megaphone and screamed, "TOWWWWWWWWWWN MEEEEEETING!" As he did so, he grunted and squeezed his head, making the fliers zoom straight into the greater parts of the town.

"Ow!" Old Man Jenkins moaned. "You nailed me in the neck…"

**END PART ONE: This was originally intended to be a one-shot, but seeing as it is now three pages, I think I'll make a second installment. Look for it later today!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I still don't own Spongebob.**

At the Bikini Bottom town hall, Spongebob was assembling Bikini Bottom's finest for a meeting. "Attention, everybody! Do you have any questions on building a grill?"

Plankton raised his stubby hand. "Uh, can it be powered by the effects of nuclear radiation?"

Spongebob looked at his cookbook. "I don't see anything for it or against it."

Sandy raised her hand. "Can it speak in a Southern accent?"

Spongebob smiled. "Sure!"

Patrick randomly boomed. "Uh...Can you slather mayonnaise on it?"

Spongebob sighed. "Patrick, for the last time, grills cook meat. Okay, before we begin, any more questions?"

Old Man Jenkins raised his hand. "I'm getting a bit nearsighted. Can someone help me?" Everyone ran out of the building. He sighed, and raised a match to the gas-soaked grill. "So the whoozer-flurtzam goes inside of the-"

The town hall exploded, sending Old Man Jenkins into the high tide. "Hey, dude!" Scooter's ghost said. "Nice of you to join me!"

After weeks of toiling, the citizens of Bikini Bottom had combined all of their homemade grills into a single unit. Now, they only had to drag it to Squidward's house.

Speaking of Squidward, he was furiously rubbing the sludge off of his grill. "Maybe I overreacted slightly, but this goo is **impossible** to get off! SPONGEBOB!" He looked around. "Spongebob? Something's not right…" Squidward began to think. No one had been pressuring him to go to work for the past three weeks. No voices, no frequent requests for jellyfishing, and no taxes! What happened, and how could he make it happen again?

Just then, he heard an immense, ear-shattering grumbling sound. Everyone in town was pushing a hideously-ugly barbecue grill toward him.

"Hey, Squidward!" Spongebob piped up. "All of us made this grill for you. It's better than any grill ever made. It's even got an artificial intelligence to help you cook."

Please kill me… The voice spoke. These idiots have been asking me nonsensical questions for the past seven hours. No, starfish, rabbits are not giant feet!

Squidward began to tear up. "You made all this for me? Maybe this town has some potential after all! How does this thing work?" He jumped onto the behemoth, and began testing out some of the buttons.

"NO!" Sandy yelled. "That's the transporter!"

SHOOM….The grill turned into a rocket. They zoomed further and further into the stratosphere, going ever closer to a fiery death.

"AAHHHH!" Squidward screamed. He pushed a random button, and, miraculously, the spaceship stopped. They were saved!

"Hey, Squid." Spongebob had just thought of something. "We're right next to a glowing ball of death by heat, right?"

"Yes, Spongebob." Squidward groaned. "Why are you asking me this when you **should** be suffocating from a lack of breathable air?"

Spongebob looked away from the sun. "I was just going to ask if you had gotten Gary's slime off of your old grill. Snail slime is highly flammable."

Squidward miserably looked down. Sure enough, the potentially ruined grill was stuck on one of his legs. "Spongebob, " he moaned, "I-"

BOOM! The grill/rocket exploded.

**The End**

**A/N: Yeah, I didn't really know where I was going with the ending of this story. Before I officially woke up, I was just thinking about a Spongebob idea where they have to make a barbecue grill. Please don't troll me in the comments, and please don't erupt into flame wars over the quality of Spongebob now! Have an excellent day! Read and review, if you please!**


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